Saturday, October 31, 2009
-12:09 AM
"And here I am to worship,
Here I am to bow down,
Here I am to say that You're my God;
You're altogether lovely,
Altogether worthy,
Altogether wonderful to me" -- Here I am to Worship, Tim Hughes
You're the God of my life, today and forevermore.
All praise be to You.
'I love the King and the King loves me.'
Thursday, October 29, 2009
-8:31 AM
i often feel a tinge of awkwardness and inadequacy whenever the conversation topic moves to being attached.
almost everyone i've known have had a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
but i don't.
i don't (or at least i hope) think it's because no one loved me to that extent before,
but the answer's closer to the fact that i've never allowed anyone so close to my heart before.
but why?
like everyone, i long for love, and everything that comes with it.
but why do i shut the door in their faces before we even have a chance to know each other more than mere friends?
i have many close guy friends, but the only reason why we are so close,
is because i'm aware of the impossibility of us getting together, and they too, of course,
either because they're attached or we're such close buddies.
i like that, i prefer that.
but once a guy tries to enter into my life,
like every normal girl, i enjoy attention and closeness with a guy,
but once i feel that the line is crossed,
i start backing out and edging away,
because i'm afraid he'll get the wrong idea,
and i wouldn't want anything to happen.
i decided there were 2 possibilities:
1. i'm afraid of getting hurt
2. my family history (dad)
i wonder when i can disentangle myself from this mess that no one sees, only me.
i hope, i can move on, at the appropriate time, and God will find the right one for me. (:
2 Timothy 1:6-7: "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."
God has blessed us with spiritual gifts and we have a calling in our lives,
we've to quieten our hearts and listen to what God has to say to us,
and be obedient to the direction he points us towards.
He has everything planned, to fulfill in his time.
So in the meantime, let's trust him with all we have.
We've 'a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline', let's make sure we demonstrate them through our lives.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
-6:45 PM
it seems like i've swerved off course,
and i find it hard to get back on track,
hard to start studying very very hard.
i don't even know how to study anymore,
i have lost all my confidence.
my mind wanders much.
i get distracted and bored.
i feel like curling up into a ball, and hide in a dark corner,
become invisible, and let people just pass me by.
don't look at me, because i'm lesser than you think.
i wonder, if Christians are ashamed of being 'too holy' in front of their friends,
but if our heart burns with passion for Christ,
why are we afraid of proclaiming it to the world?
“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.” -- Matthew 5:14-15
Lord, I want to shine for you,
will you let me?
-8:10 AM
专心仰望耶稣既然有这么多的见证人
像云彩围绕我们
就应当放下各样重担
脱下缠累我们的罪
既然有这么多的见证人
像云彩围绕我们
以坚忍的心向前奔跑
那摆在我们前面的路程
让我们专心专心仰望耶稣
那信心的创始完成者
以合一的心并存忍耐
奔跑我们前面的路程
让我们专心 专心依靠耶稣
旷野中的安慰引领者
以喜乐的心并存盼望
奔跑我们前面的路程
i love this song!
it talks about how there are many witnesses of Christ on this Earth,
how we should put down our burdens and sin,
and persevere in running the race of life before us.
At the same time, let's fix our eyes on Jesus,
who is the basis of our faith,
and our comforter in times of trials,
no matter what let's press on, with happiness and hope. (:
can i do that?
Before the world began,
God "chose us in Him before the creation of the world" (Ephesians 1:4),
and "[i]n him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding" (Ephesians 1:7-8)
God hand-picked each and every one of us, knows us by name,
and we are all part of His grand plan.
He has given us boundless spiritual blessings.
We are all significant to Him, no matter how lousy we feel inside,
and there is no greater honor, our significance is found in Christ.
-1:55 AM
i'm so sad :(
i got a B-. i looked at it many times, in disbelief.
but things won't change.
why am i so stupid? my scholarship, how?
could it be due to my expressed lack of faith in God
and my horrible laziness?
sigh. i really don't know how.
it seems like i have lost my motivation, too.
bad time.
as i wallow in my sorrows, the things i have to do are piling up.
i so wanna quit school.
In psalms 119:71-72, "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold."
i guess in life, we suffer hard knocks now and then.
it's unbearable, and you feel like you're falling apart, breaking down into pieces,
but is it possible to learn from them?
perhaps it may be hard to swallow the idea of the believer learning from painful and difficult circumstances in life, and value the Word of God,
but i realize whenever i'm weak and down, i run back to God, always.
He gives me strength, every time.
"Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations.
He will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory.
In his name the nations will put their hope."
-- Matthew 12: 18-21
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." --James 1:2
-4
Will I be able to stay strong through it all,
will I be able to get through this?
Lord, be with me.
Monday, October 26, 2009
-7:41 AM
it's so early in the morning, and i'm dead tired.
it's the beginning of the week all over again,
and need i remind you the weekend flew past, without me doing much work.
I NEED TO CATCH UP. i shall start revising SOON.
i've 29 days left. and i'm no where near prepared. Lord, HOW?
in matthew 6:9-13, we see the Lord's prayer,
"Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one."
It probably encompasses all the reminders that we need in our daily lives,
but when we try to live it out, we realize it isn't that easy.
There are things in my life i have not come to terms with,
and things i try to avoid tackling and solving.
but God gives to us our daily bread,
and all we have comes from God alone.
-12:28 AM
my whole day yesterday was church, church and church.
i love it.
but in the midst of all the fun and laughter, i feel guilty and worried for not studying.
school really pulls my life away from me. it's always bugging me at the back of my mind.
i have many dark secrets.
i only realize how tight i'm holding on to all these dark portions of my life,
and afraid of showing them to others, even my church members.
maybe it's unhealthy, but i'm just not ready to dish out everything about me,
even the normal parts of my life.
i think maybe i'm afraid of getting hurt,
of people viewing me differently when they realize i'm so much worse than who they see,
and of people knowing me.
i'm weird, i guess.
i listen to 'fighting' by yellowcard,
and i think "what am i fighting for, there must be something more",
and i think i'm fighting for God and his glory,
but it seems so intangible and vague sometimes.
and then i sing "you were not there when i wanted to say",
when i think about how no one hears what i truly say,
especially when i want you simply to understand,
and comes the part "i said i'm ok but i know how to lie",
maybe that's just how i live in my life in front of others,
no one knows how i feel or think, because i disallow them,
there's just his barrier between me and the world, a wall that i chose to build,
because i don't think they understand.
and when i think of all this, i am grateful for having God.
because i know he knows how i feel without me opening my mouth and try to explain,
he feels my hurt, worries, and anger.
he doesn't judge and condemn, but he comforts, encourages, and admonishes when appropriate.
i trust him, more than anyone in this entire universe.
Thank you, Lord (:
God fills us with "the Spirit of God" and created us with different gifts,
no matter what talents we have,
let's use them to glorify Him.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
-7:38 AM
Lord, I pray for an A, please.
it's been 10 weeks since school started, time really flew.
will 4 years fly past too? will i be stronger through it all? or will i shrink and shrivel till there's nothing left of me?
i look back, and i think of how i thank God for all my friends, profs, and great times i had.
these are the little things that make me love going to school.
i love reading sometimes, too. just not the rushing part :/
i look ahead, and i think about how unprepared i am for my final exams, and i never felt more scared and vulnerable.
i really don't see i can get past them. (and my scholarship GEE)
it always gives me a panic attack.
but Lord, i trust no one in this world more than you.
yes, there are times where my faith wavers, slightly.
but it cannot deny the strong conviction within me, that you can bring me through, that you will not let anything bad befall me, that you will be running this 'race' next to me,
because you have great plans for me, right? (:
As we live our lives,
it is as if we're on display for the world to see,
are we going to be different, or are we going to conform to the ways of this earth?
we are going to have our share of hard times, and share of jeering from non-believers,
but are we going to stand strong, or are we going to fall?
in whatever we do, imitate Christ, and imitate those who imitate Him,
and we'll never go wrong.
Monday, October 19, 2009
-8:08 AM
yesterday was my confirmation, 坚振礼. :D
after 19 years, i finally had my baptism and confirmation.
thinking about it makes me smile.
it embodies much meaning,
but it is like a declaration of faith and a beginning to a life of commitment to God.
the bishop blessed me,
“求主施恩,保佑你的女儿,使他们永远属主,天天多得主的圣灵,直到他们进入主永远的国”
“天父,我们效法使徒的榜样,按手在你众儿女的头上, 为他们祷告, 藉此使他们深知你喜爱他们。 求你慈爱的手时常保护他们, 愿你的圣灵常与他们同在。 藉着你爱子的圣体和宝血使他们刚强, 引导他们明白并顺从真道, 至终得享永身。 这都是靠着我主耶稣基督。”
i felt so blessed i almost cried right in front of everyone.
God, may you be the Lord of my life all the rest of my days and shower me with blessings everyday.
Summing up 1 Thessalonians 5:12-22,
- respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you, and hold them in the highest regard
- live in peace with each other
- warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, held the weak, be patient with everyone
- make sure nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else
- be joyful always
- pray continually
- give thanks in all circumstances
- do not put out the Spirit's fire
- do not treat prophecies with contempt
- test everything
- hold on to the good
- avoid every kind of evil
Thessalonians 5:23-24: "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you faithful and he he will do it."
Let us keep in our heart what Paul tells us through Thessalonians,
to look out for worldly evils,
and guard our heart even against matters of the heart which may sneak up on us without our awareness.
All in all, let's listen to what God has to say to us.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
-9:12 PM
Lord, I am feeling very afraid now.
What if I cannot do well in law?
There are alot of 'what if's in my mind right now.
I worry, about not doing well, losing my scholarship, and not being able to get through these 4 years.
My entire mind is crammed and occupied with anxiety and distress.
I wonder where is my faith, where is the trust I have in you.
You tell me, nothing can go against me if you're with me; and that since you brought me here, you will bring me through it.
I know.
But. what if i fail your expectations, mine and everyone else's expectations.
There seems to be this huge looming brick wall ahead of me right now,
and I can't seem to see past to the other side,
to see what you have planned for me,
or even get to the other side.
Lord, you know I feel so awful.
I go to church and I have to put on a cheerful and carefree face, and teach those little kids,
because you gave me brains, and I must use them to serve you.
but Lord, my preoccupied thoughts about failing, is holding me back, gradually.
I feel so stressed. I feel like I am lagging behind the rest. I am losing steam. I think I can't do it.
But Lord. I know you're 'my strength and portion' forevermore,
when I fall, you will always be the one to pick me up.
And you teach me, that when i am weak, then i am strong.
I go to school, and I try to get through the routine, to get pass the day,
but I know I am so lousy inside.
It feels so bad.
I cannot imagine doing my exams when I am so empty in my brains.
"We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me." -Colossians 1:28-29
Lord, thank you.
You tell me something different, you tell me that you have given me a gift,
and I must use this gift to advance Your kingdom in this world.
With what I have, I will serve you.
Friday, October 16, 2009
-12:21 AM
I was walking home today, like I always do,
and I was just thinking about how blessed I am.
I really want to thank God for everything He has given me, and planned for me.
Of course, how could I ever be deserving of such awesome grace,
with my flaws and deep dark secrets (only He knows),
but He is a God who loves, and truly cares,
and I can not imagine life without Him.
"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" -- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Lord, I just thank you, for walking with me every day of my life,
for comforting and supporting me when i'm down,
for letting me know i'm never alone,
for giving me strength when I face insurmountable trials,
for your daily provisions,
for your boundless blessings and love.
I know that when things go against me,
you will forever be my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer,
so I will not fear.
I wish to be able to serve you and spread your name,
that is the least I can do.
"Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell him all his wonderful acts.
Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always,
Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced...
Sing to the Lord, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day.
Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples"
--1 Chronicles 16:8-12, 23-24
Let's always have a thankful heart,
and tell the world about God, his deeds, and his salvation.
Friday, October 9, 2009
-7:10 PM
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -Galatians 6:9
When you enter society, or in schools,
whenever there is a competitive environment,
you face a dilemma - that is,
whether to be nice to everyone who seeks your help and ends up being manipulated,
or to be jaded and keep everything to yourself.
It's a hard decision, really.
The easiest solution probably is just to strike an equilibrium, be nice but know where to stop.
But seriously, I haven't really figured that out yet.
In other words, I can't really say I can be selfless and helpful all the time to my friends.
But no matter what it is, I'll think that if you're good, you're good.
There's no need to make sure everyone competes at level ground, and has to work hard for what they want.
Besides, I have God on my side, what do I fear? Nothing, of course (:
Psalm 91:9-16 tells us,
"If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the Lord, who is my refuge -
then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
Yay.
Stay close to God, love him, and he will protect us from everything.
Let's just do our part as a Christian, be a reflector of Christ, and God will not let any harm befall us.
God promises us,
"I will never leave you nor forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5;
"I am with you always, even to the end of the age." -Matthew 28:20.
Let's stop worrying about the future,
it isn't something within our control, it's all in God's hands!
Let's trust in Him wholeheartedly, because regardless of what happens, He will definitely be there for us, always.
-4:54 PM
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
--Romans 12:1-2
“所以弟兄们, 我以上帝的慈悲劝你们, 把身体献上, 当做活祭,是圣洁的, 是上帝所喜悦的; 乃是理所当然的。” -罗马书 12:1
May we be willing to sacrifice our everything to you,
to live a life with our eyes centered on you.
Let us not succumb to the ways of man and the world,
but give us the strength to stand firm in our faith.
我们必须记得, 我们事奉是为上帝而做, 而我们的身体是属于上帝的。
我们要 “用心灵和诚实来敬拜他” (约 4:24)
Let us worship him in truth and in spirit,
because He is our one and only true God.
圣经的两条戒命是要尽心, 尽性, 尽意, 爱主你的上帝, 以及要爱人如己。
Let us love with with all our heart,
and men.
The Lord teaches us, "My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth." - 1 John 3:18
May our words and works reflect the same thing,
that our lives may reflect Christ.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
-11:30 PM
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
one my all-time favourite verse! <3
Our lives are like a series of ups and downs,
and sometimes we question, 'why is this happening to me?',
and we wonder if God is actually watching over us.
But, in actual fact, He is.
He always is, and more importantly, He is in control.
"[Jesus said,] 'In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." -John 16:33
if our God can overcome even the hugest things,
why not our little problems?
He warns us that in our mortal lives we will face trials that may weigh us down,
but at the same time, reassures us that He can similarly overcome them for us.
God is greater, than these events that may seem to oppose his goodness.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken" - Psalm 34:18-20
What strong reassurance and comfort.
He promises us that we will come out of our trials in perfect piece,
and thus, let's not fear or lose heart,
as long as we keep to His ways, rest assure He will stand by us all the days of our lives.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
-12:10 AM
Lord, behind my cheerful smile, my heart hurts.
My soul is downcast within me; Therefore I will remember You. --Psalm 42:6
Friday, October 2, 2009
-8:32 AM
no prayer goes unheard.
Luke 11:9-10: "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
If God tells us that if we seek Him, we will find what we're looking for,
then why else is holding us back?
In Psalm 119:9-11, "How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you."
May my heart belong to you only,
and that your words I will hid in the depths of my heart.
May I never stray from your side,
and you carry me through all the days of my life.
Today was a day I felt really low.
I argued with my friend, and I really felt like it was me against the world.
I felt so alone, so misunderstood, so wronged.
I kept my cool, but my heart was torn inside.
My tears flowed when I was in the shower.
I told God I felt like I was standing by myself, fighting but failing,
and asked Him if He was there with me.
I know He was.
I feel so lousy.
What I went through can never possibly compare with what Jesus went through.
and He had no one but God and those who believed,
but the majority, and those in power on Earth, were against Him.
He had the power to prove them wrong, but He didn't,
because He knew there was a greater and higher purpose to fulfill.
Maybe, it's the same for me too.
There will be trials in life that I have to go through, hard times bad times,
but eventually I'm looking towards something greater,
and when that day comes, everything else will fade away, even my pain.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit -- Psalm 34:18
Thursday, October 1, 2009
-8:15 AM
like how musicians tune their instruments before the orchestra begins,
we should start our day with God, and listen to what He wants to tell us.
"Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates"-Proverbs 8:34
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." -John 14:1
When we feel bogged down by the constant troubles in our lives
maybe we should raise our eyes, to seek God,
because only He has a best solution for everything,
and He has everything nicely planned for us. (:
Often in our lives,
we face crossroads and isolation,
but if we listen carefully to what God wants to tell us,
He will be a map pointing us towards the right direction,
and a source of comfort, to tell us, that He will walk through our problems, with us.
Whenever I feel low, and I think about how God will always be there,
I feel empowered.
God is the strength of my heart