Thursday, December 31, 2009
-2:27 PM
the new year awaits,
and i face the new term with a sense of trepidation.
i've had my share of failures and disappointment,
am i going make it this time round?
(i've so much to do, always.
but i'm such an awful procrastinator. ugh.
why are there so many distractions around.)
when Solomon assumed the throne from his father David,
David told Solomon, "And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever" (1 Chron 28:9)
and "be strong and courageous , and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished." (1 Chron 28:20)
God knows our heart and mind,
regardless of whether we have fooled the world or even if no one knows.
when we face similar tough transitions in life,
which are marked by much uncertainty and insecurity, and the future appears misty and unclear,
let's remain strong and courageous,
because we are definitely not alone.
Let's keep our eyes on God, He will navigate us safely through even the craziest rapids,
and then await the smooth waters, they're just ahead. (:
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
-11:37 AM
2010 is just in 2 days,
and school's starting in less than a week.
swish.
this year has flew past really fast.
8 months of working and having awesome fun with friends,
and then 4 months of slogging my guts out,
it has been a year of changes and also one of growing,
with its occasional joy and heartache.
there's going to be more work and less play from now on,
i hope i can quickly get used to this transition.
although everyone moves on in life, i'm really glad some things never change.
and for one, my God never changes. <3
He has been with me through the sands of time, and i believe He will remain there, always, immovable.
ephesians 2:1-10 - made alive in Christ
"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.
All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath.
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
rebirth in Christ; it is only through Him and His grace that we are alive through faith.
and it is a gift from God.
"all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom 3:23) but He can "create in [us] a clean heart" (Psalm 51:10)
Monday, December 28, 2009
-2:23 AM
who is the girl they see in me?
sometimes when we try so much to be someone else in front of different people,
sometimes when we are too caught up with our own problems,
sometimes when we are on the verge of giving up,
we lose ourselves, and somehow seem to forget why we are here for,
we lose heart.
some mumblings in the middle of the night.
i feel like i'm dangling in the middle of nowhere,
allowing the wind to blow me as it wills.
there are times of lowness, when i start to think of the state of my life right now,
i can't wait for school to start again, though i know i won't really like the insane studying,
but at least i'll be so busy to think about anything else.
this holiday has been a good one, but as always, too short, much too short.
one more week to go.
"therefore let everyone who is godly pray to You while you may be found;
surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.
You're my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."
- Psalm 32:6-7
Lord, You are truly my hiding place,
whenever i'm feeling down or discouraged, and i don't feel like telling anyone else,
i will always run to You, and know that You'll be there for me.
while our lives may often be filled with burdens we can't seem to put down,
whether big or small,
we have to learn to hand them over to God, because He can handle everything and anything.
Sometimes, there may be troubles tugging on your heart all day,
but when we surrender them to God, we can trust that He will provide the best solution.
"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you." - Psalm 55:22
Friday, December 25, 2009
-2:23 AM
i believe that Jesus is truly the only way.
i celebrate Christmas because it's his birthday.
- Owl City
-1:55 AM
“As Jesus is the son, so too is he reflected in the sun, that warms the Earth, for he gives us warmth and life. As such, for the times that dark rain clouds block him and keep us from seeing him, always remember that these clouds will come to pass. When one stays in the sun so long, they sometimes forget the amazing warmth that surrounds them, for they are so immersed in its goodness. Thus, when God brings forth that impending rain, it is not as a punishment of any form, but simply because he loves you so much that he wants to show you even more at the end of it all… The rainbow.”
- Stelle’s Collection of Warm Fuzzy
where's the rainbow?
maybe i've been soaking in the rain for far too long,
clinging too tightly to my drenched clothes and umbrella,
that i've denied myself the chance to see anything else beautiful happening in my life right now.
why do i love self-pity? why do i hold on to sorrow?
maybe because i am afraid of more disappointment. maybe i need love. maybe i just want to punish myself.
i don't know why, and secretly do not want to find out.
wild guesses. hmm.
james 4:13-17 'boasting about tomorrow'
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money."
Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.
What is your life?
You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."
As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.
Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
we all have our own dreams, big or small.
but the bible says we do not boast about our hopes about tomorrow that has not happen.
are we able to present our dreams and plans to God, and tell him that we will accept his will, even if it means that our dreams are dashed and things are not what we want them to be?
what takes on a stronger bearing in your life? your dreams or God's will.
what a difficult decision this can be at times.
as a sidenote, don't we often know what we're doing is wrong or many a times, omit to do what is right?
life is often unpredictable,
we have great plans for the future,
and then comes a stumbling stone, and you fall right over.
then we ask God why did he allow us to fail, when we have been so focused on the end in sight.
perhaps, instead of insisting that nothing else works unless i get my way,
we could consider that God's purposes might be different from ours,
surely he knows what is best for us. and rest assured, he'll give us nothing short of the best.
following Christ also means full confidence in His perfect plans for us.
"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." - Proverbs 16:9
Thursday, December 17, 2009
-11:56 PM
sometimes i think i'm childish and i just want attention.
-3:09 PM
Starfield - ShipwreckI built a fortress
With a hundred thousand faces
I'll keep it safe
With a hundred thousand more
But these masks are wearing thin
As You draw me in
I spent my time
On the empty and the fleeting
I spent my life
On much less than I'd dreamed
But I'm reaching out to you
To make me new
'Cause I am just a beggar here at Your door
I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore
I come empty handed
Ready to see
Your life in me changing who I've been
To who I need to be
You tell me my story
As You sift between the pages
I feel redemption
In the space between each turn
Could You take me in Your arms
And tell it just once more
Could You take me in Your arms
And tell it just once more
i hide behind those masks, and i erect walls,
but only You can see through them all.
i have spent years searching for temporal earthly satisfaction,
and i often forget that there is something greater, something everlasting.
how could i ever deserve You, Your love, and Your forgiveness?
i am broken and come empty-handed,
but You tell me, You're here for me.
Time for me to step out of the water, time for me to just loose my hold;
and it's time for me to leave here all that I've hoped for, could You take me where I need to go
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
-1:59 PM
"If I had to choose between extreme sorrow and extreme happiness, I would always choose sorrow, for when you are happy you forget about spiritual things, you forget about God.But in your sorrow, He is always with you."
- Queen Katherine of Aragon
-12:56 PM
Meredith Andrews - You're Not AloneI search for love, when the night came,
and it closed in,
I was alone,
but you found me,
where I was hiding,
and now I'll never ever be same,
it was the sweetest voice,
that called my name sayin
You're not alone,
For I am here,
let me wipe away your every fear,
My love I've never left your side,
I have seen you through the darkest night,
And I'm the one that who's loved you all your life,
All of your life
You cry your self to sleep,
cause the hurt is real,
and the pain cuts deep,
all hope seems lost,
with heart ache your closest friend,
and everyone else long gone,
you've had to face the music on your own,
but there is a sweeter song that calls you home,
saying
You're not alone,
For I am here,
let me wipe away your every tear,
My love I've never left your side,
I have seen you through the darkest nights,
And I'm the one who's love you all your life,
All your life
Faithful and true...
Forever,
For my love will carry you...
You're not alone,
for I... I am here,
let me wipe away every fear...
Oh yeah, My love I've never left your side,
I have seen you through your darkest night,
Your darkest nights,
And I'm the one that's loved you all your life,
All of your life
Lord, you've seen me through my darkest nights,
where i hide in my room and cry,
unwilling to tell anyone how awful i feel inside,
because they will never understand, and i don't want them to feel sorry for me.
you've been there for me all my life,
especially when my heart breaks and i feel it can never be whole again.
thankyou.
ever felt as if you were facing a tumultuous storm in your life, where your ship was on the verge of capsizing and all seems to be lost?
Jesus calmed the storm in Mark 4:35-41,
where he simply "got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
They were terrified and asked each other "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!""
where has my faith gone?
if he can calm even the scariest storms, what more about the storm in my life right now?
Jesus has total authority over the heavens and the earth,
he will provide us with the strength to survive till he finally calms the storm.
"These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:7
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
-1:00 AM
i hate losing.
i hate being average.
i hate admitting that i'm actually imperfect.
but God, i want to be the best for you.
(or is it for me, again?)
Monday, December 14, 2009
-2:54 PM
i wonder if anyone ever died from heart pain.
why does the heart hurt when i am fine physically but aching emotionally?
my senses seem to have been numbed.
can i be selfish for once?
allow me to be absorbed in my own misery instead of looking happy in front of the rest or giving a part of me to others to help them?
i am all broken inside. i just want to blast music in my ears and replay my woes over and over again in my head.
how can i, then give myself to others, when i can feel myself no more?
the earth continues to rotate, life goes on,
but i feel like i am at a standstill.
i want to go back to turkey, anywhere, just away from this place.
i want to escape this torment. wished i never knew, wished it never happened.
(did God know, and did that for me?)
psalm 55.
listen to my prayer, o God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me.
my thoughts trouble me and i am distraught at the voice of the enemy, at the stares of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger.
my heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me.
fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.
i said, "oh, that i had the wings of a dove! i would fly away and be at rest -
i would flee far away and stay in the desert;
i would hurry to my place of shelter, far away from the tempest and storm."
...
but i call to God, and the Lord saves me.
evening, morning and noon i cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.
he ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me.
God, who is enthroned forever, will hear them and afflict them -
men who never change their ways and have no fear of God.
...
cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
but you, o God, will bring down the wicked into the pit of corruption;
bloodthirsty and deceitful men will not live out half their days.
but as for me, i trust in You.
the enemy is myself, my school, my pathetic results.
am i willing to entrust my life into his hands? my troubles and my future?
and then believe that he has a plan for me, a reason for everything that happens?
but my future appears extremely bleak right now.
i feel so despondent, i don't know how to get out of this crap.
i am going to lose my scholarship and my grades are horrendous.
i can't describe what's running through my mind right now or explain why my heart aches,
but you know what's inside of me, what i am going through behind my facade of false smiles.
how do i go on? where do i go from here?
Lord, hold on to me.
show me the path to take.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
-8:12 AM
i just want to die.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
-10:43 PM
my exams ended on the 28th. finally.
praise the lord.
been having a whale of a time since the 28th,
and i'll be leaving for turkey tomorrow.
what more can i ask for? (:
Lord, i thank you for blessing me so so much.
you really love me beyond what i truly deserve. thank you.
Lord, i pray for journey mercy for my turkey trip,
(it makes me really learn how important it is to have a dad around :/)
my results, so that i have a GPA of at least 3.6 to keep my scholarship,
and bless my church, to keep my churchies' passion for you burning ((:
my 2nd prayer request is something that has been weighing on my mind for quite some time,
and it is really a test of my faith,
because i find it really hard to put everything into your hands.
I know you are the Almighty, but maybe i say i don't trust myself enough,
but if i don't surrender the whole of my worries to you, how can i say i trust you fully.
so Lord, now that i'll be leaving Singapore, leaving this all behind,
maybe it'll be a good time for me to put EVERYTHING into your hands,
my worries and troubles,
because i know that i cannot accomplish anything with my own hands,
but with you, there is nothing too hard.
(i am such a lousy child :/)
God said that in the Bible that
'It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God' (Mark 10:25)
but why.
Jesus told the rich man to sell everything he had and give them to the poor, and he will have treasures in heaven. the rich man left, because he had much wealth.
when the disciples asked Jesus 'who then can be saved', Jesus answered 'With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God'
ALL things are possible. hmm.
why do i doubt. it is true, there are many things that are impossible for man, for me. but God makes everything possible.
and i can almost imagine the plight of the rich man.
when one has acquired much worldly treasures, whether fame, wealth, or status,
it is hard to give them all up, if one day God asks us to do so.
i pondered upon this question for quite some time previously, and i thought they this was my stronghold.
can i leave everything i have behind, for God?
but Jesus says 'no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age and in the age to comes, eternal life.' (Mark 10:29-30)
He provides a reassurance, and tells us that what we sacrifice for him in our mortal life,
he will reward us a hundred times more in our eternal life.
our mortal life suddenly seems so short and insignificant in comparison to the eternal life that is awaiting us.
are we willing to surrender our all, come to Him wholeheartedly, release our worldly concerns and possessions, and freely follow him?