Saturday, August 28, 2010
-11:39 AM
many a times, we think about how we can do something better than others, or how we are superior in a certain area to others,
but human pride is something that can cause us to crumble and fall.
but most of the time, what we see in others or even ourselves, in actual fact, is through the perspective of a tainted glass. we see what we choose to see.
we can never second-guess God, his thoughts or his plans.
and besides, who are we to judge?
are we even better off ourselves?
it is at such moments of reflection, i grow very ashamed of myself. sometimes to the point, whereby i live in my own delusional world. because i don't want to look into the mirror and see my ugly self.
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
- Psalm 51:10-12
Thursday, August 26, 2010
-3:22 PM
laziness kills me.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
-11:20 PM
there are so many things i want to keep close to me always.
my friends and the memories i've had.
they really add a splash of colours to my otherwise mundane life.
but these things, they are going to fade away some day, won't they?
friends leave, and memories dissolve into nothingness.
and i'll eventually depart this world.
it's going to be sad, because i've had so much fun times here.
however, i know heaven's going to be more awesome than anything and everything i've ever known. and there, i'll finally reunite with my dearest heavenly Father.
TO HAPPIER TIMES, CHEERS :D
"
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." -Rev 21:4
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
-1:18 PM
Romans 12: 17-21
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
When life is hard and i'm troubled, i run to You.
Monday, August 16, 2010
-11:18 PM
summer's over, and school started today at 830 in the morning :S
i realize that i have a fear of school, and anything academic-related.
i do love reading my law books and listening to lectures, because they are honestly really interesting. but the whole idea of class participation makes me keep on my toes throughout the 3hour lecture. and i find that very nerve-wracking.
if only i had the ability to speak well.
but school ended on a really happy note, with dimsum with my classmates.
it felt like we were back to the old times.
personally, i really treasure friends, sometimes to the point that i prioritise them over my family (which shouldn't be the case i know). but they are really the color of my life.
maybe it's not that i choose to not socialise, but i simply dislike the idea of frolicking (haha) with people who i'm not close to, and hence both parties treat each other with a kind of mutual superficiality, which is really repulsive.
there's so much i fear when it comes to school. results professors classmates judgments workload. it makes me wonder what am i doing here, whether i'm in the wrong place.
but what really comforts me, is that God is always next to me. (i can almost feel his reassuring grip on my shoulder sometimes)
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." -Deuteronomy 31:6
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
-1:11 AM
i hate the feeling of knowing that your future is ruined no matter how hard you try.
i hate losing, or failing.
but what else can i do, other than putting my trust entirely on God.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
-2:04 AM
i am extremely annoyed with myself. seriously.
i learnt that to succeed in life,
1. you cannot trust people to settle things for you
2. you have to work very hard, with everything you have, and not rely on others or luck
3. you need to think ahead
i think i screwed up the the order in which i am supposed to take my modules in university, just because i did not think far enough. sometimes, having a companion making the same decisions with you, does not mean that you will be fine. especially when that companion relies on you to do all the research and make all the decisions, and thinks much less than you. omg kill me now.
i need to brace up, and be ready for school. NOW.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
-11:41 AM
i woke up with a start, and my heart was hurting so badly,
because i dreamt i was back in cambodia.
just maybe, cambodia has always been at the back of my mind all the while,
no matter how hard i tried to push it away from my thoughts.
i really don't want to think about it because it is so painful just seeing those images of my cambodian kids flash before my very eyes.
i miss them i miss them i really do.
every single one of them, their smiles, laughter and them cycling on their too-huge bicycle schasing behind the dusts of our van.
i dreamt i was back in siem reap with my mother, and i wanted to bring her back to the motel i once stayed in.
i was so sure i knew the way, but i kept getting lost, and kept ending up in some unfamiliar place.
i kept retracking back to the original spot i was in, but after my few tries, i even lost sight of where i started from.
i think i have tried to keep all these fond memories in a jar, which i have refrained from touching all this while, in fear of startling it and letting any single memory escape or spill.
but i have failed. because these memories are ebbing away from the corners of my mind. despite my strong resolution to keep them and make them stay.
maybe i am really too terrified to admit that one day, the children will all forget me and i myself will lose them, forever too.
later, i hailed a tuktuk to bring me back to the motel.
we passed by the streets of siem reap, with its bustling night markets,
and i was telling my mum how i needed to bring her to shop, and how i wanted to go to visit the schools on my own the next day.
but then i woke up, and once again, cambodia left me.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
-11:44 AM
everything in this world is transient,
it's either you are the one who changes, or the one left standing in the same spot while people move on without you.
maybe i would be better off investing my life into my God who's eternal.