Sunday, January 31, 2010
-2:11 AM
i haven't had such an awesome day in a long while.
caught a movie, played lan, and had dinner with my floorballers.
guess i could never have better friends than these, or spend greater times with anyone else. <3
tomorrow's going to be an exciting day, i feel it.
Lord, i pray that we will be able to reach out to the non-Christians with your presence,
i pray that they will have a fun and marvelous time,
and they will come back for more,
knowing that you're more than what the Earth has to offer.
We can do this! (:
'And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.'
-1 John 2:28
God loved us so much, mere sinful mortals, that he called us children of God.
let's live a life that He'll be proud of, as his children.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
-12:07 AM
i'm so tired today.
i slept for 4 hours last night and had an 830 class this morning.
(i kinda love the feeling of being prepared for class, my lack of sleep was worth it)
and i didn't do ANY work today. couldn't.
i was so busy organising events for this and next weekend which is driving me up the wall,
placating my friend because she's angry that i'm quitting floorball,
thinking about how to get my work done,
and the presents to buy for my 2 friends.
it's really so taxing and it's getting me a little irritable.
'Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'
- Isaiah 55:6-9
often we are very much caught up in our own world,
and we have a very limited scope of what is before us today.
but if we look beyond, we can see that there is so much more we can and should do.
we could accomplish great things, make a difference in the lives of others, and change to be more than what we are now.
we may be very much limited, but God breaks these barriers down, and provides us with endless strength.
Proverbs 16:9: In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.
it's hard to understand what God is thinking or has in plan for us, all we know is that we can trust Him with all our heart.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
-2:07 AM
you learn to appreciate the smallest things in life when you start to lose them.
i told my friend today,
fun is no longer floorball,
now if i have more time spent with friends, more sleep, more time at home just surfing the net or lazing around,
i'm happy (:
contentment pushes indulgence away. haha
"Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers.
Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood.
I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock.
Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them."
-Acts 20:27-30
seems like being a cell-leader isn't that easy after all, or even a youth leader in church.
it is a heavy responsibility to take care of His sheep,
to ensure that they don't run stray and to encourage them to grow spiritually.
We can change people using the Word of God.
(wow!)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
-9:47 PM
today was a really happy day for me :D
i slept in, slightly.
i did ushering today, thought it would be awkward, but it was pretty fun shaking hands with people, these are the people who won't reject you or think you weird.
had a great and enlightening sermon discussion.
then i led the girls from my cell separately from the guys. i was afraid it might be unresponsive, with bouts of awkward silence. but somehow (i wonder if it's me) i felt somewhat empowered by God. i was able to lead with enthusiasm, while making the main points clear to the rest, and surprisingly everyone was really responsive, all having something to say, and with different points of view. i felt like i was learning from them, and it was as if their perspectives aided me in bringing the point across. it was kind of stressful with youth pastor behind me, but he helped me quite a bit. (:
i guess words can't express how i felt in cell today.
it's a feeling i can't exactly pinpoint, but i hope hope it was good for them.
and i hope i get better at this.
Lord, please bless me with the gifts of pastoring, teaching, leadership and wisdom.
i hope i can help your younger sheep grow spiritually, too.
"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits -
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."
- Psalm 103:1-5
There are so many things i want to praise God for, my every breath comes from Him.
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."
- Psalm 103:8-12
we have to confess our sins, and discard them from our lives.
God will then forgive us, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
"I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me."Casting Crowns - East to West
Saturday, January 23, 2010
-10:48 AM
when one door closes, another opens.
maybe i'm meant to drop floorball.
it's been 3 years, that's probably enough :(
but if God has other plans for me, then there's no point in me clinging to the past.
it's probably time to move on, to other things.
and i'm scheduled to go for an OCIP to Vietnam in may, a mission trip to Cambodia in june and a leaders' church camp to Malaysia in june/july.
there're much more things i've to do.
i don't want to regret not doing enough before i die.
and if i can expand his territory, and grow spiritually, why not.
King David wanted his son Solomon to built a house 'of great magnificence and fame and splendor in the sight of all the nations' for God,
and he made extensive preparations for it before he died,
ensuring that there was sufficient materials and skilled workmen for the task.
when we do something for God, let's make sure we always give our very best.He deserves it.
Friday, January 22, 2010
-11:07 PM
"Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands." -Exodus 17:9
remember the story about Moses turning his staff into a snake and back again, and his hand which became leprous when he placed it into his cloak and he became fine when he did it a second time?
God wanted to let Moses realize His power and wanted to use him as His messenger.
what is in our hands?
what does God want us to do? what can we do for Him?
i guess we may be surprised with what God plans to accomplish through our lives.
maybe we think we are not good enough, maybe we think we have nothing to offer, or maybe we are still muddling around about our purpose in life.
but God does have a plan for each of us.
even if we don't trust ourselves, surely we can and should trust Him.
we can't do many things, but He can do everything.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
-2:01 PM
USE YOUR BRAIN! THINK! CHURN THOSE JUICES!
i hate how the present-day education system breeds robots who blindly memorizes the text before them.
so those who do well, have the best memory?
i admire those people who are able to process what they are being taught, and speak up boldly on their opinions, regardless of whether they may be right or wrong. and people who dare to question the orthodox opinion.
i hate to admit it, but its the arts people who do it well.
in maths and science, there is always a correct answer, no arguing about that.
and i really enjoy doing maths and science, because of the satisfaction after solving a particularly tough problem.
but this thinking is different. because you know, at the end of the day, you'll arrive at one correct answer.
and i prefer that. is it because i'm afraid to challenge what is before my eyes?
now that i'm doing law. i'm suffering. because there is never one correct answer.
it's just a matter of who is more able, who can fight out his or her perspective most convincingly.
i need MY OWN opinions, and COURAGE to challenge ideas and speak out my mind.
what's the use of keeping it all inside, i'll only end up a loser.
We must love God more than anyone or anything else in the world, even ourselves.
-12:00 AM
why do i want to study hard?
to get a good job, to earn much money, and to lead a better life.
but Jesus says, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."
in the parable of the rich fool, the rich man produced a good crop.
he then decided to tear down his barns and build bigger ones, and store all his grain and goods there.
after that, he expected to have plenty of good things laid up for many years. he could take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.
but God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?'
This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God.
aren't many of us committing the same mistake as the rich fool then?
have we become too preoccupied with living a good life on this earth, that we forget the purpose God has in mind for us?
why are we investing our lives in and pursuing things that are transient and fleeting?
what if we die tonight?
have we left behind any sort of legacy? or just a trail of dust that will fade as soon as the wind comes and blows it away?
"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life." -Psalm 39:4
let's live our lives only for God.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
-10:54 PM
My Savior My God -Aaron ShustI am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior
I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior’s always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be
Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
-11:25 PM
a stressed man is an angry man.
why can't i get my priorities right?
why can't i just focus on my work and finish them on time?
why can't i be smarter and more efficient?
because i'm a useless human after all.
i guess we often lament our limitations and inabilities,
and perhaps sometimes we use them as an excuse for not doing the things God has enabled us to do, or wants us to do.
have i done my very best?
'We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.' -Romans 12:6-8
are we burying the talents God has blessed us with?
'I was with you in weakness, in fear, and in much trembling' -1 Cor 2:3
-4:27 PM
All of Me for All of You -Deas VailI'm only a seed in your hand
Ill never be big enough
But the smallest of parts in your plan
Is bigger than anything i know
So i give you all i am
And you poured out your heart over me and you'd do it again
And again
So i sigh with my burden
And you play me songs of nurture
And you say I'm the lucky one
And i don't see everything I'm should
So i give you all i am
And i wont be afraid of mistakes that I've made
Cause i know you understand
And every time i come around to this place
I can see my self thinking of jumping the spaces
Between loving hearts but i never make it
So i fall to the bottom and reach up my hands
To the lord of forgiveness of this mortal man
I'm the king of confessions
But i promise thats not in my plan
Not in my plan
Oh but I'm trying to go on
In breaking through walls that don't belong, yeah
Putting this back on the shelf
And turning away for good this time
Saturday, January 16, 2010
-7:43 PM
i'm facing a dilemma right now.
to continue playing floorball or give up altogether?
i want to play because i love the game, because i want to be part of the competitions, because i don't want to see my friends playing while i'm sitting by simply watching.
i am seriously considering quitting because i feel inadequate from my own, coach's and teammates perspective, i don't want to put in effort and be lousy and benched, and my grades are terrible.
(the first 2 are such selfish thoughts, i know)
God, please tell me what to do. what to choose.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
-11:19 PM
why do i always cut out the rest of the options myself?
and not believe that He will provide, and bless.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:9
what He can do, is beyond what we can ever imagine.
all we can do, is trust and believe.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
-2:41 AM
look at the time.
i'm tired i'm almost numbed of my senses,
and my head is throbbing while my stomach hurts.
but i can't sleep.
i have a presentation to prepare for tomorrow, and i'm so unready.
gee. dead meat.
Lord, please let me present only on Friday. please please. i'll do a good job.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
-1:00 AM
i feel like crap.
i feel like a loser. the same kind, for a 2nd time. or is it a 3rd.
and i thought i never wanted to feel this way again.
i'll understand if they're better, but well, i don't get to decide anyway.
i don't understand why. ARGH.
and i'm very annoyed that i got my priorities wrong. at least that's what i think now. the aftermath.
oh, and i deleted my old (other) blog.
i just thought that i shouldn't be leading a double life,
and somehow it feels like a rebirth to me.
and if that's so, i must discard my old self away.
i didn't read my posts before deleting, can you believe it. i don't know why.
"Am i now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If i were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ" - Galatians 1:10
I am so tired. Someone, play the piano for me please.
Monday, January 11, 2010
-1:25 AM
i really like how i sometimes can make a difference in my cellies' life.
i wish i could do more.
'Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it
to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." - 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
there are many times in life where we face much trials,
and even though we are aware of our goal, it gets hazy sometimes.
but the Christian life requires perseverance and persistence, no matter how hard it gets.
and with the grace and strength of our God, we too can "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Heb 12:1-3)
it is so hard to believe that we can live through our hardships. but it's true.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
-5:35 PM
it's just 1 week of school and i'm sick.
must be the lack of sleep and unproductive overwork.
its ivp next week, and i'm dreading it.
i love playing floorball, but why can't i be better at it? ugh.
then its getting used to school, because assignments and presentations are starting to roll in, and of course, the readings that are ever-present.
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle
guess i've to put more effort to reap results.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
-12:29 AM
i've been in school for 3 days and somehow i cant seem to get the depressed feeling off.
i dread school. dread studying. actually i simply detest CP with all my heart.
i just want to lie in bed all day, laptop in one hand, a book in the other.
how am i going to live through 15 weeks of this hellhole.
when Jesus visited the house of Martha and Mary,
where Mary 'sat at the Lord's feet listening to what He said' and Martha 'was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made'.
when Martha complained about Mary leaving her to do the work by herself,
the Lord told her, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
He's right.
we only need one thing, and that's Him.
and this gift will never be taken away from us.
while we are often caught up with worldly troubles and daily problems,
maybe there are more important things in life that those.
what's more important on our balance of life? how weighty is God in our life?
Monday, January 4, 2010
-10:05 AM
my new term officially begins in 2 hours time,
and my heart is racing. somehow.
i'm unprepared, afraid, and extremely reluctant.
Lord, i know i can't do this without you.
please be with me.
please bless me with an awesome term ahead and strength to go through it.
we were once slaves to sin,
but now through God, we have been set free from sin, and have become slaves to righteousness.
the benefit we reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life, instead of death.
believing in Christ frees us from 'the law of sin and death' (Rom 8:2)
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 6:23
Sunday, January 3, 2010
-1:13 AM
i need to get my engine started.
the new term starts in a day's time,
and i already have a ton of readings awaiting me,
which i can't seem to get round to reading them.
it has been such an awfully short 5 weeks,
seems as if it was just yesterday i finished my last paper.
i regret not playing more, though i know i've already spent these whole 5 weeks having fun, to the fullest.
now... back to losing my life all over again :(
it isn't unusual for one to enjoy flattering from others,
but let's never forget to give God reverence always.
He's the only one worthy of glory, praise and honor.
Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but to Your name give glory. -Psalm 115:1
Friday, January 1, 2010
-10:21 PM
its 2010
and i still feel like a little girl
who always runs off with her friends and have fun,
who tries to study very hard because she hates to be average,
and who is a spoilt princess at home.
but regardless of everything, it seems the same.
because she knows whenever something goes wrong, she is going to run back to the arms of her heavenly daddy,
and in this new year, she hopes that even in the good times, she can stick close to Him,
and do more of his works, for His glory.
O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
- Psalm 63:1-8
let's walk through the journey of life, with our eyes affixed on God.