lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
And love that never fails
Let mercy fall on me
When everyone needs forgiveness
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of the nation
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender
Shine a light in and
let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and
let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king
Monday, December 14, 2009
-2:54 PM
i wonder if anyone ever died from heart pain.
why does the heart hurt when i am fine physically but aching emotionally?
my senses seem to have been numbed.
can i be selfish for once?
allow me to be absorbed in my own misery instead of looking happy in front of the rest or giving a part of me to others to help them?
i am all broken inside. i just want to blast music in my ears and replay my woes over and over again in my head.
how can i, then give myself to others, when i can feel myself no more?
the earth continues to rotate, life goes on,
but i feel like i am at a standstill.
i want to go back to turkey, anywhere, just away from this place.
i want to escape this torment. wished i never knew, wished it never happened.
(did God know, and did that for me?)
psalm 55.
listen to my prayer, o God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me.
my thoughts trouble me and i am distraught at the voice of the enemy, at the stares of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger.
my heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me.
fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.
i said, "oh, that i had the wings of a dove! i would fly away and be at rest -
i would flee far away and stay in the desert;
i would hurry to my place of shelter, far away from the tempest and storm."
...
but i call to God, and the Lord saves me.
evening, morning and noon i cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.
he ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me.
God, who is enthroned forever, will hear them and afflict them -
men who never change their ways and have no fear of God.
...
cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
but you, o God, will bring down the wicked into the pit of corruption;
bloodthirsty and deceitful men will not live out half their days.
but as for me, i trust in You.
the enemy is myself, my school, my pathetic results.
am i willing to entrust my life into his hands? my troubles and my future?
and then believe that he has a plan for me, a reason for everything that happens?
but my future appears extremely bleak right now.
i feel so despondent, i don't know how to get out of this crap.
i am going to lose my scholarship and my grades are horrendous.
i can't describe what's running through my mind right now or explain why my heart aches,
but you know what's inside of me, what i am going through behind my facade of false smiles.
how do i go on? where do i go from here?
Lord, hold on to me.
show me the path to take.
